So there really WAS a reason to get cameras, I didn't just get them because I didn't have anything else to do, or because I had a paranoid condition....
There WAS a moving shadow.
This DID happen.
In the last two weeks I put the last 10 months into perspective, and quite accidentally.
They scare us, we stay scared, we become players in their game.
Figuring this out in the last couple of days has really made a difference to how I am feeling. Since last August I have not been able to get the horrible feelings out of me...about what happened, and all the other implications, my sanity being doubted, loss of dignity, realizing how I appeared to others.....not a good feeling.....most TI's from what I have read, all feel like this, and I could imagine that I was going to feel like that for a long time to come. But not now........
For 10 months I was sick to death about the things I thought of, the implications of what had probably happened, how widespread this could be, on and on I could go on any tangent of this crime, that people had been doing all this, and without my knowledge. I felt the deep abuse of it all. But, there's nothing to do about it - it happened, I secured myself, and now, I know about it. It won't happen again. I don't ever have to go through it again.
I think I did a pretty good job of telling the public, those of us who would never in be able to dream up stuff as sinister as this covert crime.
Yes it's bad what happened, but what is good about the last couple of weeks, is that I stopped the spiral in my head. Knowing that now all THEY can and want to do is to ... scare me..... is a huge relief. Realizing that I don't have to prove it anymore is a huge weight off of me, and a step towards the light.
To recap the first two posts, I know this only because of realizing in just the last two weeks how much damage they have done to the new foliage, they are increasing their activities, on high gear. After my winter of respite and peace (on account less perp action which would be visible in the snow, and lack of foliage cover), last week I started to get scared because of the sudden amount of damage in so short a time, right after the foliage suddenly recently just came back. But it all started to make sense when last week I asked myself a question and let the answer percolate - "Are they aware of the traces that they leave?"
Everything fell into perpective when I thought about it - yes they are aware of their traces, and they were and are going to continue, doing it, TO SCARE ME - what else?
But they can't get in anymore - I am now aware! All winter as I enjoyed the respite from the perp prints I wondered what they would do in the future, now that they couldn't come in. Thinking like this was stressful. It was stressful to see their prints wherever I go (well, they know where I go, they've been following me for years - they know where I walk the dog, who I see, they went to several of my friend's places, and they know me inside out. But no need to go on about this, I had already figured it out - no need to run it around in my head anymore, they can't come in, they can't do anything, but they want me to think they can.
But that was only the first part of their game. As I'm starting to see it, the ignorant stage lasts as long as it does, so does the discovery stage, but once aware of being a TI...what then? Does one live in fear for the rest of their life, shunned by friends and family who think that we've gone crazy? That could make the rest of our lives real 'mental hell' and most of us already have enough of that.
That's the game, and as I said, I won't play anymore, now that i know what the game is. Knowing that is a big part in helping me to get over it.
The perps are cowardly, and are only good at their job - they will not do more, can not do more, than we let them. I also hoping that, for most of us - there is no big conspiracy as I was wondering about - it's just a fun game for the perps. If we don't play, there's no game.
So, for you other TI's, I hope this helps. It's not fun what we went through, but at least WE are over it, past it, and maybe we can....just get back on with our lives, all that much better armed for the rest of it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's over, and that I'm not going to stay aware, or worry....but I won't continue to check and document the destruction of the grasses.
It's obvious, that it's going on, I don't want to look anymore. If anyone ever want's to know about their area they just have to contact me, I can dowse your home...check your area and show you the obvious, perp traces.....or, just look at my videos on sherlockshome1 youtube channel.
Perhaps if the police did know about this particular kind of thrill crime, now that it's put into perspective, they will not feel so overwhelmed at the thought of dealing with it.
Surely they will have to wake up to the fact that foliage and grass bumps are a kind of evidence....... if I get this to the right places.
Just when I had finally named the problem and solution, I found this link about a 'dirty little game'. I don't see the whole connection between the content and the product......but the text stuck a chord, another 'alarm bell'.
http://www.zdnet.com.au/downloads/0,139024478,10582642s,00.htm
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