Recapitualtion - A Long Time Due

I received a message from blogspot about my blog not being updated, so I am taking this opportunity to write a short version of what is in my still unedited writings from the last year and a half.

It took a year of reading the other main 'target' sites not allowing myself to believe what I was reading. I had not yet started to research sites other than gangstalking having not found out some other more disturbing terms, such as satellite surveillance and terrorism, domestic surveillance and terrorism, electronic harassment and many more terms (to come).

I put all that information into writing and tried to organize it but it is still not done.

For now here is a short recapitulation:


We do not know who is responsible for the targeting but here are some possibilities:


There is technology that makes it all possible for criminals to affect cruelty and be paid for it.

Those with money (private, organized stalking a part of organized crime) can purchase this equipment and wreak havoc.

We are subjects of nonconsensual experimentation, for testing of technological equipment and tactics by government or military.

The continuation of an updated modern version of MkUltra (mind control) and Cointelpro (counter intelligence programs).

Illuminati or Masonic evil (control and domination).


Some say government and police are a part of it. Surely there is good and evil belonging to both, meaning that probably there are parts of government and police that have no idea that this is happening.


Anyway...

For the last two and a half years everything I did to secure myself failed (one repeatedly reads on the sites that locks, alarm codes and cameras are no match for the technology of the perpetrators of organized stalking). I came to see that in order for this to be so that my phones and internet were probably monitored. It's not so costly as one would think, there are 'fusion centers' which are set up for exactly that purpose, to study people. Fusion centers were established to monitor terrorists after 911 and somehow this gave way to the loss of individual privacy.

When a TI tries to tell this to others the main comments are "...but you're not a high profile person" or ".... why you". I was quite shocked to find that I was under surveillance, I am just a civilian living my life, just as most TI's. Do read the other sites I have named which talk about commonalities and the whole nasty crime.

Believe me, there are going to be many more people waking up to the fact that their homes have been entered and they will go down hells road for a while as we all did, until they start to realize that they are not alone, understand more about it and get used to it.

The hacking that is done seems to have nothing to do with getting our passwords, each email that is sent must be able to be readily viewed as they go back and forth (I have no knowledge of the technology but it is easy enough to go on youtube and find videos about email and telephone surveillance).

My present youtube channel does not do much to explain but I will leave it there to show my evidences.

I recently came across this link which best sums up all the links i have looked at over the last 21/2 years, I included below some of the text.

That's it for today, thanks for reading.



http://americanstargetingamericansbycointelpro.com/faqs.html


How do you know it is COINTELPRO (i.e., Federal) Crimes being committed against us?

The absence of physical break-ins is what identifies the criminals. Only a government intelligence agency has the capability to bypass any lock or security device without breaking in.

Common criminals and “local” gangs do not have this capability and have no motive to avoid leaving evidence of a break-in. The COINTELPRO motive is to make the victim to be delusional and to give local police an excuse to refusing to investigate the crime.

Why is a TI’s harassment not a crime?

Separate acts of harassment by people in a group do not meet the penal definition of the crime of “stalking.” Harassment is not a crime unless you can prove a series of harassing acts by a single person. This constitutes the crime of stalking. It is thus not only useless, but counterproductive to report activities that are not crimes and which will give police an excuse for treating you as delusional. This is the purpose of street theater and other unbelievable forms of COINTELPRO harassment.

Only a federal investigative or intelligence agency has the capability to perform these operations, and they have a very long proven history of having performed such operations for decades.

If you report this to the FBI, as many TI’s have tried to do, they have always ignored all the reports and refused to investigate its own unconstitutional, criminal COINTELPRO operations.

Anti-TI activists have been very successful in covering up the COINTELPRO truth with the “local stalking group” myth. Also, “local stalking groups” could not possibly be doing this all over the U.S. and Canada to so many TI’s in so many different cities and states because they are, supposedly, LOCAL. They are NOT local; they receive federal training.

Why shouldn’t I report these harassment activities, even if I don’t refer to them as “local gang stalking”?

No matter what you call them, the harassment activities do not violate any penal law, unless you are a senior citizen; in which case they are a violation of elder abuse laws. The harassment activities are designed to make anyone who reports them appear to be paranoid and delusional. This is the kind of police report you would get if you attempt to report the bizarre harassment forms of COINTELPRO operations.
TI’s need to understand that local police are a part of the COINTELPRO machine. They participate in COINTELPRO harassment, and they cover up COINTELPRO crimes.

Without the Players There is no Game

So there really WAS a reason to get cameras, I didn't just get them because I didn't have anything else to do, or because I had a paranoid condition....

There WAS a moving shadow.

This DID happen.

In the last two weeks I put the last 10 months into perspective, and quite accidentally.

They scare us, we stay scared, we become players in their game.

Figuring this out in the last couple of days has really made a difference to how I am feeling.  Since last August I have not been able to get the horrible feelings out of me...about what happened, and all the other implications, my sanity being doubted, loss of dignity, realizing how I appeared to others.....not a good feeling.....most TI's from what I have read, all feel like this, and I could imagine that I was going to feel like that for a long time to come.   But not now........

For 10 months I was sick to death about the things I thought of, the implications of what had probably happened, how widespread this could be, on and on I could go on any tangent of this crime, that people had been doing all this, and without my knowledge.  I felt the deep abuse of it all.  But, there's nothing to do about it - it happened, I secured myself, and now, I know about it.  It won't happen again.  I don't ever have to go through it again.

I think I did a pretty good job of telling the public, those of us who would never in be able to dream up stuff as sinister as this covert crime.

Yes it's bad what happened, but what is good about the last couple of weeks, is that I stopped the spiral in my head.  Knowing that now all THEY can and want to do is to ... scare me..... is a huge relief.  Realizing that I don't have to prove it anymore is a huge weight off of me, and a step towards the light.

To recap the first two posts, I know this only because of realizing in just the last two weeks how much damage they have done to the new foliage, they are increasing their activities, on high gear.  After my winter of respite and peace (on account less perp action which would be visible in the snow, and lack of foliage cover), last week I started to get scared because of the sudden amount of damage in so short a time, right after the foliage suddenly recently just came back.  But it all started to make sense when last week I asked myself a question and let the answer percolate - "Are they aware of the traces that they leave?"

Everything fell into perpective when I thought about it - yes they are aware of their traces, and they were and are going to continue, doing it, TO SCARE ME - what else?

But they can't get in anymore - I am now aware!   All winter as I enjoyed the respite from the perp prints I wondered what they would do in the future, now that they couldn't come in.  Thinking like this was stressful.   It was stressful to see their prints wherever I go (well, they know where I go, they've been following me for years - they know where I walk the dog, who I see, they went to several of my friend's places, and they know me inside out.  But no need to go on about this, I had already figured it out - no need to run it around in my head anymore, they can't come in, they can't do anything, but they want me to think they can.

But that was only the first part of their game.  As I'm starting to see it, the ignorant stage lasts as long as it does, so does the discovery stage, but once aware of being a TI...what then?  Does one live in fear for the rest of their life, shunned by friends and family who think that we've gone crazy?  That could make the rest of our lives real 'mental hell' and most of us already have enough of that.

That's the game, and as I said, I won't play anymore, now that i know what the game is.  Knowing that is a big part in helping me to get over it.

The perps are cowardly, and are only good at their job - they will not do more, can not do more, than we let them.  I also hoping that, for most of us - there is no big conspiracy as I was wondering about - it's just a fun game for the perps.  If we don't play, there's no game.

So, for you other TI's, I hope this helps.  It's not fun what we went through, but at least WE are over it, past it, and maybe we can....just get back on with our lives, all that much better armed for the rest of it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's over, and that I'm not going to stay aware, or worry....but I won't continue to check and document the destruction of the grasses.

It's obvious, that it's going on, I don't want to look anymore.  If anyone ever want's to know about their area they just have to contact me, I can dowse your home...check your area and show you the obvious, perp traces.....or, just look at my videos on sherlockshome1 youtube channel.

Perhaps if the police did know about this particular kind of thrill crime, now that it's put into perspective, they will not feel so overwhelmed at the thought of dealing with it.

Surely they will have to wake up to the fact that foliage and grass bumps are a kind of evidence....... if I get this to the right places.

Just when I had finally named the problem and solution, I found this link about a 'dirty little game'.  I don't see the whole connection between the content and the product......but the text stuck a chord, another 'alarm bell'.

http://www.zdnet.com.au/downloads/0,139024478,10582642s,00.htm

Freedom from Fear for Targeted Individuals

I seem to have come to a conclusion in the last couple of days, a very important one for TI's ....to realize that the only thing they are really trying to do to us...is invoke FEAR..... that is the job they are good at... please read more about it on my blog and youtube channel ...in the next day or two will be putting a new post.....these realizations have only come in the last couple of days, and if I hadn't figured it out, I could have gone on for quite a while into the future sucked up into a vortex of fear.....

This was sent to me by a friend after I sent my recent revelations:

There are invisible forces that are impish and who delight in using those "perps" (who have their own problems and are often not thinking at all about you; it has nothing to do with you). So, those discarnate imps are playing with everyone involved. Their goal is to keep the whole planet as messed up as it is.

There are criminals who watch CSI and try to use what they learn to commit crimes, so are there stalkers who study the TI blogs and also figure out whose blog it is, and learn even more about you (since their crime/illness/obsession is to vicariously have a life that they perceive to be better than their own).  The perps are victims of their own things, too.

You win when you learn (and learning the hard way is the way we all learn anything worth learning). You win when you learn to just have your life and outsmart them. Other forces could help to lead you to outsmart them.

And, just because we are paranoid does not mean they are NOT after us, which is how they get to write you off.

The cops are stupid and they will never help you on any level anyway.

Nice progress there. Congratulations! 

All the Monkeys all Over the World

Apparently one day, all over the world, all at the same time, the monkeys started to eat bananas.  I don't remember the significance of this story, but it reminds me about what is now going on around the world, what has been for some time, but no one wants this to become publicly known.

........all over the world they woke up at the same time......

It's a bit like I see how TI's.  All over the world people are starting to talk about waking up to being victims of this strange kind of unbelievable crime - we are teaching the rest of the monkey's.  We are being disbelieved for something that is really happening.  They even have terms for it, monosynaptic delusions, illusions......

This IS happening....we are simply the ones who have found out.

We have... secured ourselves, to the best of our knowledge, we don't have to go through the 'discovery period', we've already done it all.

It's you other guys who haven't yet found out about it, or it hasn't yet started.

I could see how my thinking could be bent all out of shape for the rest of my life....I've only known about it for 10 months, it's probably been happening for at least 10 years (the first time that I saw the prints frozen into the snow), and now that I think about it, it could even have been just over 20 years ago that it started happening.

The last months of thinking about the fact that someone was inside my head without my knowledge...that was horrible, and so were the implications, who is it,,,,,,,,,,why,,,,what will happen how ... but when I realized just in the last couple of days, that the real aim, is probably .....only to scare us.  And once having become sensitized, there would/could be a noticeable decline in ones mental and physical health on account of 1) stressful thoughts element (past, present and future) 2) Being disbelieved 3) losing friendships and relationships because of being disbelieved 4) Aging will all these factors 5) Living in FEAR 6) The possibility of being 'put away' on account of the affects of all the above.

I was just about to go and do the next step in proving my situation ..... seeing and feeling everywhere I go, the prints.  Perhaps all done on purpose - how long did it take till I figured it out....and then when I did, I finally saw them everywhere I went, because 'they' went wherever I went.  What a perfect fun way to drive someone crazy (I'm starting to realize in horror, that many people could have been put away in the past on account of this).

The foliage - I was just about to go run around and film the foliage, but, it's so 'rampantly everywhere' (and at the beginning of the season as opposed to progressively getting worse as the summer goes on), that I started to realize just how busy I would be, and as obvious as it is, no one wants to know, or cares.

But I know it is all there, going on, I can't prove it (because it's not yet considered proof) but it can be seen...to anyone who 'walks, looks, and feels.

Recently Found on Google:

http://www.gangstalkingworld.com/bg1.html

http://www.vcgtimes.com/NC/0/355.html

On May 27, 2009 Shiba said:

I know that the general public doesn't want to believe that there could ever be such a thing as community based harassment or govt funded vigilante operations, but eventually people are going to have to face it. Whether they realize it or not at this time. Cointelpro and Mkultra and covert operations of spying on american citizens for no good reason have been going on especially since 911. We must never forget Nazi Germany and what evolved prior to the war among people in that country. Don't ever believe that it could never happen here. If you are not targeted you WILL NOT BELIEVE. Unfortunately when you do it may be too late. I personally feel that he was a "targeted individual" there are many 1 in 25 americans reporting this happening to them. There is no other way for us to expose this crime if we don't hand out flyers and speak with a voice to the people. Folks untargeted want to believe that in our "free" culture this can't possibly be happening and they want to write off anyone's voice that there is something going on as crazy or mental. That is the beauty of the crime. "How could this be possible?" He must be crazy. Then we don't face it or deal with it. When the Millions of us that are experiencing this can find no voice, can't get anyone to hear us, then this goes unchecked. There is plenty of news that doesn't make mainstream media. This is going on but not reported on local channels. One of these days people will listen but not till it's over just like Nazi Germany.

A teaching tool for law enforcement: 'observe lawn, find perp prints'.

It is unthinkable that I should have to live with this knowledge by myself, keep it to myself, and do my own policing and evidence gathering.

'Stalking the stalkers' with my new digital camera will show the lush foliage turning to a 'stood on scrabbled all over mess' as the summer progresses (it's already begun).

I had to put up my evidences on youtube so that people could see for themselves, the 'walking shadow' video, at least shows that 'something' IS going on, so as to put people's minds at rest that I did not imagine all this.  The only reason I did manage to catch them at all was because I had to use my wits and be smarter than them.

When I first got the cameras it was a rush job, I didn't know much about them, I didn't ask for infrared cameras without the red light showing, which do exist...and the cameras and wires were visible.  The only way I caught was because I rushed back before nightfall and turned off the infrared cameras, and the perps did not know that there was another camera elsewhere.  I have not seen any videos that 'show' what everyone is trying to say, and there are many to whom this IS happening.

Just by the way, last week I took the dog for a walk on the 'summit'.  A month ago new gravel had been put down in some places.  By habit I noticed some patches in the gravel...I then followed a path around part of the summit in the bushes.  It was an obvious visible, post winter path, with impressions in the leaves, leading to and from different hiding places behind trees, 'casing the joint' to see which ones could be used for the next time they came to watch when there would be even more cover.  The steps were not a stride of someone just walking through the brush (although when in the open they do walk around with a nonchalant 'I belong here' stride).  There, it is not only myself who is being watched, the imprints go all over the summit even where I never go.  If I had the right official with me, they would see it.  Horses and patrol cars are useless against this kind of perp crime.

How do I have the courage to stand up for what I know has happened when so many around me are so dubious, and say things like "I believe that you believe it"?

Because finally I answered the questions that I have been asking myself for years, 'what are these bumps all over my property and surrounding area, why does the grass grow in circles, why is the foliage so worn down'.

Because I was smart enough to figure out that I've been targeted, after living with it obliviously for at least 10 years (if not, even longer, when I think about 'way back').

As if overnight I was transformed into a civilian detective, trying to put two and two together, and asking myself all the same questions that were being asked of me during the 4 month discovery period....."who would be so interested in you that they would have the time, money and inclination to do such things?"

Who could be doing so much walking around so as to destroy all the foliage on the roadsides?  Maybe there are more than one person doing all this walking.  Finally a couple months after becoming alerted to my situation, when I did find two sizes of imprints, I found the name for gangstalking, after looking up 'multiple stalkers'.

Reading the gangstalking sites reflected the thoughts that were starting to formulate.

I'm writing this for those people who have not yet discovered that they are TI's....from what I've seen in the areas around where I live and frequent, I am not the only one.

The oblivious stage:

10 years ago I found footprints frozen into the snow, when getting into the prints and allowing my feet to conform to the shape of them my body was tip toeing and bending and peering around as if I was prowling around my house.  I thought it was a one time thing and didn't dwell on it.  Over time a few insignificant things went missing, some I would look for on and off, for months.  

The sensitized stage:

When finding the same kind of imprints all over my property nine months ago I became sensitized.  As some of the websites describe it, the gangstalker term for the victim becoming aware that they are under surveillance, is that they are 'sensitized'.  As soon as I became sensitized something told me to not change my patterns too quickly, to not let 'them' (at first I didn't have any idea how bad things were, I just thought it was a voyeur) know how much I suspected.

At the beginning of the discovery period I tried to set up traps to find out if they were coming around every night.  They were.  I was trying to set it up so that the police could have come and 'lay in wait', and the perps surely would have been caught.  But the police are not allowed to 'lay in wait'.  I called several private investigators, but they would only sit in a car, not circulate in the woods.  I knew it would be a waste of money, since I had already discovered in a short time how adept these people were at moving about quietly in the woods, and disappearing through a network of trails behind all the houses in the area (for this same reason, calling the police would have been futile).  

Had they deliberately walked around in the snow all those years ago to let me know that something was up, starting the attempts at sensitization way back then?  Many pranks they did to try to get my attention, but I remained oblivious.

Were/are they aware of their own imprints?  I wonder.  If I were a perp I think I would know about those bumps, and how to look at an new area and determine if there were any perps already covering the area.

I have certainly become 'sensitized' now, to lurking foot imprints.

The discovery stage:

Day by day for the four months brought new realizations about how far it had gone. I wasn't looking for it it, but it became clearer and clearer. Like a character in an Agatha Christie story, as I walked the dog on the dirt road around my area I started to feel a nonchalant stride under mine. Sometimes the stride steps became shorter and slower and then stopped, and underfoot was a bump, just at a spot where they were approaching a home, as if a person was turning to each side to see if they were observed before taking another step closer to the house

During these walks I started to 'give my dog her nose' (contrary to dog training methods) that led to some of the perps trails and hiding places along the sides of the roads.

The bumps surface after several of their 'visits' to check the house, and they become part of the road/lawn surface, not easily washed away by winter (the house doesn't move, therefore the 'checking' and 'entry' points to the home do not move either).

As much as the bumps are hard to distinguish from previous years, in some place there are tree boughs that grew that were not there last year, and there are now 'new' bumps that must go around the newly grown bough.

Beyond:

I have secured myself, changed all locks and keys, put up cameras, and the perps have been abruptly weaned of the years of having their way with me.  Are they simply going to disappear?  Well, they have started to circulate again in the woods (winter came and went, during which time I had a bit of a break, since their foot prints would have been visible in the snow) now that everything is beginning to get green again.

In the spring, instead of twisting my ankles on the accumulated bumps from all the years of perps sneaking around, I mashed the bumps into the moistened soil wherever I felt them.  It's almost July, and I'm starting to feel bumps again in the places that were padded down, a new lush foliage has suddenly appeared, which will give cover again, and I will be documenting it's destruction during the summer.
Maybe I was just small fry, in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Maybe it's someone I once knew. who was curious about me, who had also learned about the mind control crime of gangstalking.  Or maybe it's bigger than that.
In the beginning of all this I remember a friend saying to look at where the meter reader stands.

Well, I made a claim on one of my videos that grass that is stood on repeatedly grows out stronger and taller.  That was before I looked at the place where the meter reader stands.

On June 20 (2009) I realized the following - a scientific grass study/hypothesis/proof of perp presence:

Within the last two weeks I mowed the lawn two times, and where the meter reader stands the grass grows much quicker (and they only stand there about 4 times a year (6 times a year they read it, and 2 or 3 readings are done on top of snow.

There the grass is not growing in circles...just taller and stronger.


The meter reader suggestion has really helped me to finally figure it out, to prove my 'grass observation methods'.

So now, when I go around to look at the 'after winter newly grown lush foliage', there are some places where there are spurts of really tall grass, sporadically, here and there, where they stop, stand and turn.....the grass on the side of the lake road will soon be mowed, the tall stuff will disappear, but it will start growing in circles, creating those cute little tufts of grass. Up until now, after the winter, there has not been any cover, anyone going around would be easier to see. It has only been recently, since last week, that the lush stuff has grown and there is now more cover, and so, they're now starting to come back more frequently. 

hmmmmmm........ this is a whole 'police teaching course'.

The Last Trip Down Perp Highway

This is the recent evolution, how my thinking has shaped of the turn of events of the last two weeks, which were a culmination of the last 2/3 month period after the 'winter respite'.

I never really got too far along, because I was so busy trying to prove it (to myself, others....) and so busy being upset at losing those that didn't support me ....the two together..not a funny thing..

 I have figured out the next layer....a question surfaced at the last moments of writing my first post, a week ago.

It was an important question and answering myself has had a most a healing effect.

Do perps know that they leave those bumps and grooves everywhere they go?

Now that I think about it, I think they ARE aware of them.

It took all these years for me to name what I was seeing for those years of what continued to go on unidentified.  Then in last week's post I had also I remarked that the foliage had suddenly bloomed (after the winter), and with it, the bumps that I had mashed down during the post winter melt had also started to 'come back', just during the last week.

This did horrify me last week.

But slowly I am figuring out that they want me to know they are there...and to continue to fear........

It will not happen that they will go away, I will always find new bumps in my gaze...and underfoot, all spread around, even at my neighbours' and surrounding other grounds.

Just as in the beginning almost a year ago, there were 4 months of daily realizations, it seems that I am starting to get a few new ones as the weeks turns over, soon approaching the year mark of becoming aware that I was/am a TI.   The winter gave respite, but now, the summer is back.

I did say in the last post that I'd document the coming destruction of the foliage during the summer, but, it's gotten so bad so fast, since last week, that I have come to a new conclusion.

They DO want me to know that they are there.  There is now no longer a a need or question of trying to prove it.

That is their goal!  That they are there is their message.

I first noticed all the trails in and out of my property around the 21st of August 2008 (just a couple of days before that, they had cut a couple of deep scratches into my car ...to REALLY get my attention - all the other stuff wasn't working, so they gouged the car).

It is now June 27 2009....a baby making period has passed and I am reborn.

I am left with this.

I know that the address to where I moved my office two years ago (after moving it out of a rented place that had started to smell like proliferated mould) was left on the table in 'other' home and that the perps know about it.  I know that last winter during a snowstorm the windshield washer arm for the back window was suddenly 'broken' .....all these things they do, they are little messages - they want me to know that they are there......that is their message.  Now when I walk the dog wherever I go, I am so sensitized to the foot prints, I can't deny their presence (they know that I always 'go out and walk the dog', and that I will no doubt see those prints)..... ok, so they know about my office, and when I stay there they spray coke on my car, or some other gummy substance....

ok

Even though I have now secured myself (thanks to them and their activities I have been forced into becoming more organized and have amalgamated my living and working systems) and they can't get in anymore.  Bu I also know that they didn't just disappear, and like a chess game, each player continues to makes their moves.  I could get scared about how badly things could escalate, and keep making more and more moves.  

They wanted me to know that they were there, for all those years; and once I had figured it out, that they had come into my home, and that they had gotten inside my head, I've passed the year in awe about what has happened, the future is ahead of me, and I could really allow the fear level to get out of hand.

If I had any desire for privacy before this event, I don't have it any longer.  Anyone can ask me anything, and I will not have a care in the world to tell them anything they want to know, not after all of this.

Does it matter that I discovered a technique for 'reading grass'? Not really.

People don't want to know about this - the very thought is HORRIBLE.  I know what I have lived, no one can do anything about it, and I have decided that all I can do is to write it down and now, forget about it.  Now that I know about it I can go on....I've written my story, maybe it will help to give (all the details about reasons for good locks, privacy as valuable as valuables, cameras, things to look for, methods, reasons, perp potential attitudes, lack of police help they aren't at all equipped for it, they need evidence, and then, they would need a whole squad just for one TI - it won't happen) some perp awareness to the complacent average good citizen.

I'm not a perp, but for my own preservation I was turned into a perp watcher and their mentality entered my mind through my feet.

What was the purpose?  To make life crazy-making....  To keep me always on the lookout (I think that's quite a stress provoking activity if you add up the years to come....

Funny, only yesterday someone came to my house..... we just took a few steps together ....I started with a short comment, ......"during the last two months I have evened out the bumps in the lawn made in previous years, and it has recently started to happen again a few days ago that I twist my ankles when I walk around on my lawn" .

........  and I heard them say the words I have been trying to tell others for all these months;

"You just have to 'walk, look and feel'..... ".    (They even showed me a couple of other places on rocks and wood  planks where it was obvious that they had been stood upon - all I had noticed before this was the grass).

The words are still resounding in my ears.... "walk look and feel............"

Finally someone witnessed what I have been living

I'm thinking regretfully but thankfully, that this experience has helped to separate the wheat from the chaff......I couldn't do it myself, figure out the true relationships in my life....

I know who my friends are now...It took something like this to show me how some people in my 'old' life, really perceived me, perhaps a bit eccentric, and not someone who's word they would take for much.

Now that I've figured it out, the perps can't get in to my life anymore, but they can and will continue to creep around my house, there is no denying the paths that they make all over the place, I don't make them, it is my property, but they will continue to go there anyway, and there's nothing I can do about it.  They will continue to 'observe me' that's their kicks, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I just have to accept it, and so what if I twist my ankles everywhere I walk.

So what.

They are the Kings of their Domaine.

And just to state something that I could never allow myself to make so clear publicly, until now.

I found the bumpy imprints outside, 10 days before I realized that I had bumpy floors inside.  (It has taken these last 10 months to figure out why bumpy inside, why the same 'turn step' as outside - why do the floors get bumpy like that, it's because they are looking for cameras - read on).

It was Labour Day morning 10 months ago....that day I woke up and suddenly realized that, like my lawn, 'MY FLOORS WERE BUMPY'.  I was in such a panic when I went to the police....my face must have showed the psychological mess I felt inside.

As I stood outside the building on this quiet holiday waiting for one of two officers on duty to come out, my senses started to work on the lawn patches surrounding the police station.

I just walked, looked and felt, and it was undeniable, but the officer could not, at the time, allow themselves to entertain even a whisper of this truth - maybe one day they will.  I spent the next 10 months not only feeling abused and confused, but also like I must really be as crazy as the implications of the surfacing 'lack of support friendships' were starting to suggest.

At the police station that day it didn't take long before a glimpse of 'perp action' entered my brain, but it's taken these 9/10 months to name the whole picture.  They turn in circles, constantly, turning left and right, checking if they are observed, not only outside in nature, by either people or cameras, but also inside, they are checking for cameras (it was only recently that I realized this, that they are always suspicious about whether or not, and if and when, the target will have figured it out).  

These people are obsessed with their crime of watching people, and cameras.....in our technological age, the thrill has increased with the camera technology, but as well they must be also be wary of it being used against them (but as I found out, it seems that it will take 'our sleeping public' a while before we figure out that we are being watched and played with - and no one would/could ever imagine that there are such sordid things to guard against).  They are masters, probably they buy all the camera gear and test it, and know how to get around without being seen....they even dared to go to the police station to prove it to themselves, as if silently 'waving their noses' at the police.

They are proud of their methods of 24/7 and ways of escaping detection.  This makes them bold.  They are the king of the day, and the night, the schemes... the possibilities, the probabilities....it is such a fantastic crime, they don't get caught, they can kill without bloodshed and without leaving believable evidence, and it is fun.....

.........but as well as being bold they must also guard against being seen -  like an element of paranoia mixed with thrill.  It is a constant battle of wits, to make the target play, it's like chess....they want me to be scared, they want me to spend more money to secure myself, they used to enjoy breaking things so that I'd always have to... inconvenience myself, look for things, waste more time, spend more money, and now that the ignorant stage is over, they will keep walking around some more (because they can) just to let me know that they are still there...to scare me some more, make me wonder what next.....then I'll do something again....like spending 'how much on a fence to keep them out of my forest'? ... because I'm scared...............? 

Well, they are scared too - they don't want to be caught, and are always looking for cameras - they are in their bold paranoid game, all by themselves....because starting now, I won't play anymore, I've found out all I could find out, made the connections of past mysteries, and seen all I want to see.  They will always be there, and that's what I have to live with.

I think I have figured out that there is no more to figure out.  

It only took me 10 days to figure it out, and 10 months to name it.  I figured it out right from the start, and right from the start, at the police station, I was disbelieved - but you just have to walk, look, and feel.

Last week I wrote this poem - I find it goes appropriately here - it's called:

I Thank the Perps

... for waking me up

... for turning me into an activist (from whence I lived in complacency).

I think better

 I write better

I am now an adult

instead of a lost little adult child

I've had to ""wake up""!

.............an activist against the things I tried to humbly swallow as a citizen.

 I never had the words.

Moses never had the words.........

Until the time came that it was necessary for them to come forth, and God would give him the words.

 I was given the lesson, and I was given the words.

Now I am in a new world, wheat and chaff separated for me, and I have all the (few) friends I need.

Because I had no idea how to figure it out.

Until now

I've been forced to wake up.

And stand up for myself.

Wherever it came from, and wherever it will lead me.

Lastly I thank myself for finally waking up and figuring it out ....... and I curse that part of myself that only seems to learn with hard lessons.

All this being said, I am not thrilled to go outside and find their traces and messages, stepping along the edge of my garden where I put carrot seeds..... so what if I don't get carrots.  So what if they walk in my forest and I twist my ankles....

The buzz line is, on public roads anyone has the right to walk wherever they want.  So what's so surprising, if perps take advantage of that and go on people's property...

Well, I still don't like it, but can't change a thing - even though I try to see the silver lining in how my life WAS turned upside down...., each time that I come in after seeing 'today's traces', my energy does switch .......

I will still tell myself that I doesn't bother me, that that's why they are doing it, "they do it so that I will notice it, which in turn, will bother me..

AHA - that must be another purpose....to 'dwain' out all the happy creative juices.  But this is not the time for that, I just have to accept that it will take as long as it takes, to do what I do, and write what I write.